January 25th, 2016. This is one of my favorite writings I have ever writ. I was so proud of this when I turned it in for my senior English class in high school. Even reading it now it still makes me laugh, I don't care what you think. It's genius. Well, it was at least genius back then; I don't know what you like to read. This was quality stuff back in the day...
I awoke to my dying cat, Sparky, screeching like a dying armadillo because he had just jumped off the roof of the house. Most likely because he got tired of hearing my dad snore. I leaped from my bed in a frenzy because Sparky jumped 10 minutes later than usual, so I was off to a late start already. I had just watched America’s Got Talent the night before, so obviously I break-danced my way to the bathroom. After bruising my knee and knocking my goldfish into the toilet, I turned on the water and contemplated why I thought it was a good idea to keep my goldfish on top of the toilet.
20 minutes later I woke, in shock, from my slumber under the rain of the luscious warm water. I bust-cheek out of the shower, flushed, and break-danced to the closet. I dressed, and proceeded to make my way to the stairs. Along with America’s Got Talent, I had also watched a few too many Spiderman movies. I forgot I wasn’t Spiderman when my hands wouldn’t shoot webs out of my palms as I plummeted to the floor after I flew over the rails of the stairs. I struck the floor below, bruising my other knee.
20 minutes later I awoke and realized the situation: I had probably just concussed myself and even worse, I was late to school. I “ran” to the garage, hopped on my blue electric scooter and peeled-out towards school. Driving down the street, at a steady 5MPH, I looked to the right and realized Sparky had jumped for the last time because the neighbors were having a Viking funeral for him. Before I could shed a tear, I was decked in the face by my other neighbor’s parakeet. Everyone at school made fun of me when I told them how I got my black eye.
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