November 30th, 2020. If you haven't read "She Was Speechless", go read it first then come back to this one. This is a flash fiction and these are probably my favorite types of writings to do. They are the simplest and easiest and you can type them up in just a few minutes right on your phone just before it's due on Canvas. You aren't limited by any restrictions and you have full creative freedom to write about whatever you want. Let me know what you think about this one. Hey man, remember to click those YouTube links for context.
Jason was in a tough spot. His minimum wage pay as a part-time shopping cart mechanic just wasn’t cutting it. Sure, he didn’t have to pay rent, but he was spending way too much money on superhero onesies. He had ironman, batman, and wonder woman and at this rate he was spending $53.95 a month on onesies. They were really running him dry. If he wanted to grow his collection and continue funding his lavish lifestyle in hopes of one day becoming a superhero himself, he had no choice but to find a second job.
It was a regular Tuesday night; Jason just finished his nightly meal of barbecue beef nachos garnished with raisins and popped on the 22-inch plasma screen for a spot of Antiques Roadshow on PBS. They were examining a very tasteful 1873 cherry armoire when suddenly Jason was struck with a brilliant idea. As 33-year-old man living in his mother’s basement, Jason knew it was high time to start making some real money moves. He grabbed his nachos and tooted his way up the basement steps like that motorcycle from The Aristocats movie (https://youtu.be/cMj1XrHLulI?si=kXHgx4xZ4u3_Kj68).
He took a couple more bites of his beef, raisins, and chips then stealthily climbed up the ladder to the attic making sure not to wake his sleeping mother, Quincy. She’d been sleeping from 6:00PM to 6:00AM because she said the gas leak in the house has been making her sleepy and the repair man hasn’t fixed it yet. Jason’s mom had an extensive collection of more than 300,000 highly valuable miniature garden gnomes. The total cash value of her collection is somewhere in the tens of hundreds. Miss Quincy kept most of them locked away in a storage facility down in New Mexico, but she had a few hundred up in the attic just so she could feel close to them. Jason finally had a plan to exploit the goldmine sitting above his head after all these years.
He pulled out his Jitterbug and called Marsha Bemko, the executive producer of Antiques Roadshow. When you’ve watched as much Roadshow as Jason, you know how to get Marsha’s number. He explained he had some very rare and valuable collectible garden gnomes that she definitely wouldn’t want to miss out on, but for personal reasons he couldn’t reveal his identity to anyone. Marsha was a little confused, but ecstatic with the opportunity. After 23 years and 24 seasons, she was finally going to get some coveted miniature garden gnomes on the show! She was certain the views would skyrocket.
Jason’s plan was simple: get a few gnomes to Marsha, collect the cash, and get out. He wasn’t worried about his nagging mom finding out. The gas was too strong for her feeble body to last much longer.
Under the cover of darkness, Jason threw some gnomes in his least favorite pillowcase, zipped up his ironman onesie and headed for the back yard. Jason’s powers have grown exponentially over the past few months and with the daily practice he puts in in the basement, he could finally reach full power on command. From his pocket he pulled out a can of Bushes Baked Beans with Brown Sugar. He made quick work of the lid with his can opener and downed the beans in one swift swallow like Popeye with spinach. Instantly his body began to tingle and he felt the intense surge of sheer power building inside his abdominal region. With the mixture of his barbecue beef nachos and the Bushes Beans, it created a reaction so strong and so violent it was like nothing he ever felt in years past.
Jason bent his knees and gripped his pillowcase tightly. He began expelling hydrogen, carbon dioxide, methane, and ammonia through his arse in the form of gas at such a powerful rate that it began to lift him from the ground. The expulsion was so strong it could have easily been confused with a small jet engine starting( https://youtu.be/Oj4w7i-TqsE ). Stacy, the neighbor’s pet llama came over to the fence to see what the commotion was all about. Jason was highly allergic to Stacy, which resulted in a sneeze that quite literally blasted him into the stratosphere leaving a crater the size of his trampoline in the ground and the aftershock blew Stacy into the mango tree.
The cold Nebraska air numbed his cheeks as the rear end of his ironman onesie was completely obliterated. Jason soon hit mach one speed as he made his way towards Denver where they were filming the show that week. A short flight later and Jason began his decent into the city. He met up with Marsha’s representative on a sketchy side of town and exchanged the gnomes for the cash. Jason went to a nearby convenience store to use some of the cash to buy more jet fuel, a.k.a. a can of Bushes Baked.
As Jason sat on a park bench chugging cans of beans, he realized he could get used to this life. Maybe it was time to give up the comfortable part-time shopping cart mechanic job and start living the fast life. Maybe he couldn’t be a superhero, but he could finally be himself. He had a special gift that no one else had and he realized he could accomplish so much more than just being a cart mechanic living in a basement wishing to be a hero. So long as he had a onesie and the cover of darkness, he could go anywhere and do anything. He decided he wanted to make his own onesie instead of pretending to be someone else, but he needed more money to make it right. He stared at the midnight stars as he ascended into the sky, blasting away the City Park water fountain below him. He made his way to New Mexico.
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